When is Enough, Enough?

In my first blog I discussed how women are abused by men, in my second blog I talked about how men are abused by women, now I am going to show the effects of domestic violence on children and teenagers. According to findcounseling.com, there are an estimated 3.3 million children exposed to physical and verbal spousal abuse each year. This means that the children are seeing or hearing the actual abuse or dealing with the aftermath of the abuse. Something that I didn’t know and I’m sure that many of you didn’t know either is that normally where there is domestic abuse there is also child abuse and sexual abuse present. Children that are in a home with domestic violence are physically abused and neglected at a rate 15 times higher than the national average. Some of the effects of being in a home where there is domestic violence are feelings of low self-esteem and self-efficacy, and attractiveness to others in personality and appearance. Emotional responses from children are anger, intense terror, fear of dying, and fear of the loss of a parent. A lot of times children are robbed of their childhoods because they are forced to grow up at a much faster rate than other kids. And they can’t form relationships with other kids because they don’t want people at school to come over and hang out if mom has a black eye. Domestic violence in the home can also affect infants and toddlers. Infants and toddlers who witness abuse show signs of excessive irritability, immature behavior, sleep disturbances, emotional distress, fears of being alone, and regression in toileting and language. Children in preschool might develop things like enuresis and stuttering. Later on down the road when children become teenagers, everything jumps to a new level. Teenagers who live with domestic violence face problems of fitting in with their peers while trying to keep their home life a secret. Teenagers who are put into shelters face even more problems. They are forced to move to new places, make new friends, and readjust quickly. Many teens in these situations never learn to form trusting, lasting relationships, or they end up in violent relationships themselves. All in all, every child, no matter the age faces the same problems, feeling lonely and isolated, growing up too fast, behavior problems, stress related medical and mental health problems, and school problems. Just think, all of this could have been avoided if domestic violence wasn’t such a wide spread issue. When is enough, enough?

When is Enough, Enough?

In my first blog I discussed how women are treated by men if they are in an abusive relationship. What I didn’t look at or focus on was how men can be abused by women. When men are in the process of growing up, they are taught to be strong and they are told that complaining is a sign of weakness. This is why men who are in abusive relationships are reluctant and ashamed to say anything, even if the relationship is becoming life-threatening. According to a battered men website, a few signs to look for in finding out if you are being abused is if your wife or girlfriend:

- Embarrasses or humiliates you in front of friends or family
- Intimidates you
- Threatens you or threatens to harm herself if you leave her
- Treats you as if you are her servant
- Restricts your contact with others
- Makes you feel afraid or as if you need to “be careful” around her

The list goes on and on. Below is a link to a diagram of the cycle of abuse from the “Heart to Heart Network, a Support Network and Self-Help Database for Abused Women.”

Just recently, I saw male abuse on television and I thought to myself “how long has this been going on in our world without me knowing about it.” The question I’m posing to you this time is do you think that abuse is a growing problem that should be worked on or is it still something that is pushed off to the side and not many people are worried about? Just remember that abuse effects everyone.

When is Enough, Enough?

How many of you ladies are in love or have ever been “in love?” How many of you have been hit or beaten by the “love of your life?” That is a hard question to ask and even a harder question to answer. No girl wants to admit that she is in an abusive relationship but there are more abusive relationships out there than any of us really know. According to ACADV (Alabama Coalition Against Domestic Violence), about one in three high school students have been or will be involved in an abusive relationship, and 40% of teenage girls ages 14 to 17 say they know someone their age who has been hit or beaten by a boyfriend.

The abuse doesn’t always come physically, it also comes verbally and emotionally. Growing up in a household where there were abusive relationships puts everything into another perspective. Many people ask why do you stay? Why do you let him do that? What are you doing to fix it? And why are you letting it keep happen? These are the questions that I asked in my own home. Various answers come pouring out like “I want the relationship to work,” “I stay for the kids,” and “there is nowhere to go.” Many women believe that they are responsible for fixing all the problems in the relationship and that the abuse is normal because their friends are being abused too. What women don’t realize is that they are not alone, there are several shelters and people to help. Safeplace: Florence and 2nd Chance: Anniston are just a couple of shelters in Alabama that work with ACADV. The underlying question is when is enough, enough? When does it all stop? And when do you need help?