When is Enough, Enough?

In my first blog I discussed how women are abused by men, in my second blog I talked about how men are abused by women, now I am going to show the effects of domestic violence on children and teenagers. According to findcounseling.com, there are an estimated 3.3 million children exposed to physical and verbal spousal abuse each year. This means that the children are seeing or hearing the actual abuse or dealing with the aftermath of the abuse. Something that I didn’t know and I’m sure that many of you didn’t know either is that normally where there is domestic abuse there is also child abuse and sexual abuse present. Children that are in a home with domestic violence are physically abused and neglected at a rate 15 times higher than the national average. Some of the effects of being in a home where there is domestic violence are feelings of low self-esteem and self-efficacy, and attractiveness to others in personality and appearance. Emotional responses from children are anger, intense terror, fear of dying, and fear of the loss of a parent. A lot of times children are robbed of their childhoods because they are forced to grow up at a much faster rate than other kids. And they can’t form relationships with other kids because they don’t want people at school to come over and hang out if mom has a black eye. Domestic violence in the home can also affect infants and toddlers. Infants and toddlers who witness abuse show signs of excessive irritability, immature behavior, sleep disturbances, emotional distress, fears of being alone, and regression in toileting and language. Children in preschool might develop things like enuresis and stuttering. Later on down the road when children become teenagers, everything jumps to a new level. Teenagers who live with domestic violence face problems of fitting in with their peers while trying to keep their home life a secret. Teenagers who are put into shelters face even more problems. They are forced to move to new places, make new friends, and readjust quickly. Many teens in these situations never learn to form trusting, lasting relationships, or they end up in violent relationships themselves. All in all, every child, no matter the age faces the same problems, feeling lonely and isolated, growing up too fast, behavior problems, stress related medical and mental health problems, and school problems. Just think, all of this could have been avoided if domestic violence wasn’t such a wide spread issue. When is enough, enough?

World of Dance acceptable outlet for provocative behavior?

In my previous blogs I stated the inappropriateness of dancing done by young girls aged 7-9. The first blog was about a video the girls had done to Beyonce's "Single Ladies." The other done by a few of the same girls to the song "My Boyfriend's Back." Both videos were outrageous, showing the talent of the young girls through mature eyes. Little girls should remain little girls. The maturity level based on the dance was nowhere near age level. The parents, let alone the choreographer should have never let these girls believe the way they are dancing and are dressed is acceptable.In Beyonce's music video, the backup dancers along with Beyonce are more covered than the 7,8, and 9 year old girls; Beyonce is 29.

The girls in the controversial videos have disgruntled the view of young girls in dance and the dance community. A dance studio owner named Katie Hignett stated, "I am disgusted that this smut receives high scores at competitions. It gives dance a bad name." Why should these young girls receive praise with high scores at competitions?  According to dance executive vice president, Larry Peters, for the Hozman group and the dance completion the girls did nothing wrong. “"It was the very first WOD event I had ever attended, and I can tell you the cheering and screaming you heard on the video was from other parents and dance teams that were just blown away by their dance performance and precision. There was NOTHING provocative about what they were doing."How can a grown man openly admit that? It really makes you think about just WHO the girls were performing to. If a grown man from the dancing community has nothing bad to say about the performance, who do the children go to know their actions aren’t appropriate? The amount of desensitization in the adult community, for example Peters, is what is wrong with this whole picture. If the choreographer and parents would have put their foot down against the inappropriateness of the situation there would be no controversy.

World of Dance acceptable outlet for provocative behavior?

Provocative dancing and outfits allowed for tiny dancers? The World of Dance, being an all age group competition allows the girls to show their moves and bodies in front of an audience. The controversial video and outfits were commented on, bringing up the points of those who found very little wrong with the girls and parents actions and also a very valuable point brought up by a comment that was against the outfits of the young girls. Arguments for the rights of the girls include, “the costumes are suppose to relate to what the dance is or the vibe your[e] suppose to receive from the dance, so I think the outfit was a perfect selection for this particular dance.” My point is thus far, both are inappropriate and should not be allowed on the dance floor let alone any other floor the young girls walk or dance. The comments also respond to the choreography taken to make the routine, ‘“The parents of these young dancers have also stated ‘that the girls were not trying to be overly sexual, but instead gotten many of the moves from the Alvin and the Chipmunks kid’s movie that was recently released.’ So should movies like ‘Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel.’” The dance number done by the animated characters and the very human girls showed no comparison. The animated chipmunks were very much modest in their dancing and their clothing (for a chipmunk) was nowhere near inappropriate.  

The controversial YouTube video regarding my previous blog is not the only performance danced by the young girls which contain a provocative and more mature nature. The following video was taken at another performance, the girls still wearing provocative outfits and in some means dancing more inappropriate than previously. Quoting a comment from the video responses, “They're am[a]zing dancers but a little inappropriate for their age!” I couldn’t agree more. The girls needless to say can dance but the choice of moves and wardrobe is too mature. A post taken from a blog on the subject states, “And some might argue, myself included, that the over-the-top sexiness of some of the moves (and the costumes) are not only inappropriate for their age but distracting from their talent as well.” If the costumes and “over-the-top” dancing was modified in a more age appropriate level, there would be no controversy in the routine. Who is really to blame though? By all means I believe the parents along with the choreographer, Molly Long, should be fully responsible for their child’s/ student’s actions. Parents as well as dance professionals know what is appropriate for the girls at their age. Another video of such maturity should not be allowed onto the internet! Something must change.

"I Hit You because I Love You"

When you see a young child having a temper tantrum in a store because they’re parents told them they could not have any candy, how do you think the situation should be handled? Some would say be talking to them and soothing them would be good, some would say completely ignoring them, but what if none of these work? This is when you pull out the big guns: The Hand, The Belt, or The Switch. In my family, there are a variety of uses of discipline, but I noticed with the ones who were spanked were doing better in school and were very respectful to their elders while the ones who were not spanked did not do what they were told, were very disrespectful to any and everyone, and were not as successful in school.

Researchers say that spanking can have good effects when use properly. Most children who have parents who use corporal punishment as a disciplinary tool have more productive lives and have respect for their elders. In the article, “Spanking Your Kid is a Good Way to Discipline”, it says that when only verbal discipline is used, a child get the feeling that they can do what they want and not get in too much trouble about it, and as they get older, they simply lose all respect and do not listen to there parents at all. Although spanking is a good thing, when used too early or too late in life, it can be ineffective. In the studies of psychologist Marjorie Gunnoe, she says that spanking is best effective for the age of two to six years of age. Some studies say that if a child is spanked before the age of two then the child could have development problems and if used too late in childhood, then it can lead to abusive behavior and problems learning in school. This is why i feel that spanking your child is effective, but only when used properly.

Beware of Video Game Violence

Mature Video Game Rating-wikimedia commons

Being a gamer, I keep up with all the latest games and gaming trends. Playing games has been a hobby of my friends and I ever since we could understand what hobbies were. That being said, it is no surprise to me that video games has become a dominate industry. Video games have gone from being rather simple to highly sophisticated and realistic. Scott Steinberg puts this in perspective in his article "Why new music video games rock". Steinberg talks about all of the new features for the games that allow the player to feel like he or she is actually playing an instrument or singing on a stage. For all those out there who remember the games from generations past, these new add ons make the older games look prehistoric. Not only has technology for video games become more advanced, but competition has become fiercer as well. Of all video games on the market, the most popular games are those that make violence the center point. Ben Parfitt's "Modern Warfare 2 Still rules Xbox Live" gives a good example of the type of competition that takes place in the gaming market. The example given is the rivalry between Call of Duty Modern Warfare 2 and Halo Reach. These two games rival each other for the top position on the video game charts. In both game plays the player has to kill the enemy to win. With the massive success of games like these, it can be hard to see what these types of games are doing to society.

Are young people who play violent video games more hostile than those who play video games with a different theme?  Kristin Kalning addresses this question head on in her article "Does game violence make teens aggressive?" this article provides information from a study conducted by the researchers of the Indiana University School of Medicine. This study consisted of two groups of twenty-two adolescents; one group played a violent video game, while the other played a racing game. The results of this study were that the brains of the children who played the violent game suffered negative effects in the emotional area of the brain, whereas, those who played the racing game the negative results were not present. With video games becoming more realistic and the violence seemingly becoming more real the negative effects mentioned are only going to get worse unless this dispersal of violence is stopped.

In her article, "Do You Know What Video Games Your Children Are Playing?" Pamela Eakes, who is a supporter for Mothers Against Violence in America, says that 90 percent of parents do not monitor the ratings on their children's games. If the parents don't monitor what is going on, how can anyone expect the kids to know if what they are playing is bad for them? Violence in games are destroying the mentality of  young people, so are we really going to let these childrem keep playing something we know that will hurt them?

Effects on Children With Gay/Lesbian Parents

Effects on Children With Gay/Lesbian Parents:

What makes a family? Some may say, “a father, a mother, and any children that may result in their love and happiness,” but the meaning of the world family has changed dramatically over the years. Lately, this term family has escalated to a level that most are uncomfortable with. We see two women walking down the street holding hands, while watching their son run ahead of them, or two men playing in the park with a little girl they adopted. Are these groups of people any thing less than a family? Some may argue that these people are not families, well, not in the traditional sense. I have been with my partner for three and half years, and we have a 15-month-old son. We are more than a group of people. We are a family, and I will not be considered as anything less than that. My son is quite a character just as any child his age. He cries, laughs, and loves to hug. None of which, are negative effects of being raised by two mothers. But with all of our opinions pushed aside regarding if families are really families, let’s discuss they the effects upon children that live within same-sex parent homes.

National Association for Research and Therapy of Homosexuality (NARTH) has some pretty interesting findings when a study was conducted around homes without a father. This study included homes with single heterosexual mothers, and homes with two lesbian mothers. One finding included that sons of lesbian mothers are more likely to be more nurturing and affectionate to their future families. Another observation during the study showed daughter whether with heterosexual mother or lesbian mother were more likely to have future occupations in areas that were traditionally non-female. A third finding told researchers that children raised by lesbians were more likely to consider a homosexual relationship. The information above is certainly not all the data collected, and not all nontraditional families should be limited to be these results.

There is another interesting article I found while looking into this issue. The article, “Children of Lesbians May Do Better Than Their Peers,” reassured me as a lesbian mother. Children of lesbian mothers seems to have no significant differences in social development and adjustments compared to children raised in heterosexual homes. However, even with the almost unnoticeable differences with children’s social development and adjustments the children have higher levels of self-esteem and confidence, and did better academically. This is an amazing find. We, as a society, have been told that homosexuality is bad, and will only affect the children of America in negative ways. This article proves that we, as homosexuals, are breaking barriers, and proving ourselves as parents and as families.

While doing research on this subject I cannot find much information regarding the effects on children that may have two fathers. What do you think that is? My opinion is that it is much harder to become a parent if you are two gay males trying to start a family. Adoption can be difficult and expensive, and finding someone to carry the child can be time consuming, again expensive, and emotional draining. What are your thoughts?

World of Dance acceptable outlet for provocative outfits and behavior?

In an ABC report a controversial video streaming the internet was exposed and debated. Written by John Berman and Sarah Netter, the story goes on describing the video. A group of young girls, ranging between 7and 9 years old, took part in a dance competition held by the organization W.O.D. (World of Dance). The girls danced to Beyonce's "Single Ladies" in a not so young and innocent way. The video, which can be watched on YouTube, shows the reactions to not only the live audience, but the internet audience as well. Some people, including the parents see nothing wrong with the production. Others, including much of the YouTube audience and  myself find many reasons why the dance in inappropriate. First off, the age of the girls is frightening. Young children especially girls, are growing up too fast. In an article, part of the NY Daily News, Dr. Phil McGraw weighed on the video and reality of girls growing up too fast. McGraw uses justifiable statements to describe the video such as "wildly inappropriate" and "sexually provocative." As a young woman myself, I could not agree any more with the words described above. 

Children ages 7,8, and 9 should not be dancing inappropriately, especially trained to perform such behavior in front of thousands of people. Where are the parents in this? Do they realize the image the girls are making for themselves? The parents of one dancer had an interview with "Good Morning America" about the issue. The parents stand firm with their girl and state the video has been "...taken completely out of context." The father also stated "The girls weren't meant to be viewed by millions of people." With that said does the fact the girls are bumping and grinding and wearing provocative outfits at such a young age make it alright? No of course not! Just because the girls routine wasn't meant to be showed to anyone outside of the crowd does not make it acceptable for them to be behave in such a manner.


The actions taken by the parents, or lack of, is just as unacceptable as their daughter's actions are. With good parenting this story would have never existed. Hopefully the controversy paralyzes the need for such dancing and actions by children in the future and results in more effective parenting in the lives of their youth.